News of the WTF?

Okay so I'm a little late getting this posted on the site - my bad.

One can't help but wonder as to how awesome the experience of eating 1,050 strips of bacon must be but one sumbitch in Japan decided to do just that.

Thanks to Facebook, dumb criminals now have a new way to botch their wrongdoings. Take this 20-year-old man, for example, who was arrested after posting a Facebook photo of himself stealing gas from a cop car. Duh.

You would think that at some point I would run out of dumbasses to talk about...but you would be wrong. Today I tell you a story about a dude who has obviously seen Cheech n' Chong's "Nice Dreams". I pass along details of a burglar who helped himself to champagne and a shower and I point and laugh at a guy who is suing the hospital that circumcised him at birth.

Admit it - as bad as it is, making fun of stupid people is just damn entertaining. And today I make fun of a dude who (like me) donates sperm for free and (unlike me) has fathered 82 children and could possibly be forced to pay child support. I also tell the story of the most generous bank robber in existence and I can't help but imagine the possibilities of a poster that gives you a kiss.

In what may be the kinkiest ever "News of the WTF?" I pass along stories about a German dude (of course) that was held hostage for not pleasuring his partner enough, a woman who gets caught "pinchin' a loaf" on the side of the highway and a rocker who is searching for her "baby daddy" on Craigslist.

Time for fun with idiots - it's the "News of the WTF?". Today I share a story about a dude who gets jail time for "sagging" in the courtroom, I inform you of a Coke machine that doesn't accept money - just hugs - and I dish on the most awesome elderly woman of all time.

andrus development / flickr Some people are just plain stupid and it's my job to identify them in an effort to keep them from reproducing. In the newest edition of the "News of the WTF?" I sympathize with a man who is being forced to get rid of his pet goat, I'll spin a tale about a robber who was kind enough to show his ID to the clerk and the award for stupidest sumbitch on the planet goes to a jackass who thought it was a good idea to impersonate a cop and inadvertently pull over a couple of real cops.

Let's face it - some people deserve to be made fun of and I'm just the man for the job. Today I pass along a story about one of the greatest inventions of our time along with a tale of a kid who doesn't quite understand that his teacher isn't as excited as his dad's friends are about his stash of herion and we learn that at least one woman becomes incredibly awesome when not allowed to smoke a cigarette.

Time again to have some fun with dumbasses. In today's "News of the WTF?" I come to the realization that I want to party with poltergeists in England at some point. I also give you details on a book about how to raise teenagers written by teenagers and I'll share a story about a fabulous yet feisty bunch of crossdressers.

Yes I realize Karma is a bitch but sometimes you just gotta laugh at stupid people.

Today in the "News of the WTF?" I introduce you to the dress that all men have been waiting for, I also talk about the latest flavor of vodka to hit the market and I reveal that so far the score is PETA - 1, Miami - 0.