Oh. Hell. No. A couple in San Antonio were greeted by a spider right out of my nightmares.

According to KSAT, Teouna Thomas and her husband had relocated to San Antonio from the Dallas-Fort Worth area about eight months ago. If they’re anything like me and realized San Antonio was home to giant frickin’ spiders, they would’ve reconsidered their decision.

Last Friday, Teouna said she heard her husband yell, “OMG what in the heck is that?” That’s when she saw that thing crawling up their patio door.

I gotta hand it to her husband for being a much braver soul than I, because instead packing up and getting the hell out of Dodge, he figured he had to catch that bad boy since their puppy was outside trying to get it.

And catch it he did. He managed to wrangle that critter and stick it in a plastic container. Turns out, it’s a Texas Tan Tarantula, which is pretty common in the area. The experts at the San Antonio Zoo say that while all spiders are venomous, the Texas Tan Tarantula is pretty harmless to humans. In fact, you’d have to try pretty hard to get bit by one.

Well, I’ll just have to take the word for it because if I have my way, I’ll never be remotely close enough to one of those things to test the waters.

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