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Teenager’s Masturbation Killed the Family Cat

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I’ve always heard that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. And now we have proof to back that statement up, if you believe everything you read on the internet.

One Reddit user has been living with a dark secret since he was 14, and he decided it was finally time to admit his wrong doing. So what’s been eating at his soul?

His masturbating killed the family cat.

According to the man’s post on Reddit, when he was 14 he would masturbate multiple times a day. Not uncommon for a teenager.

But while most teenagers would dispose of their ‘stuff’ in a tissue, this kid would let loose all over his carpet. Pretty gross, I know.

At the same time that this kid was pounding out knuckle children all over his bedroom, his family had an 18-year-old cat with bladder problems.

The kid’s parents soon grew tired of the cat peeing everywhere, so while he was at summer camp, they ordered a black light to determine just how bad the cat’s bladder problem was (cat pee glows under a black light, much like semen).

By now you know where this is heading.

The parents searched the house top to bottom with the black light and found what looked like their cat’s own personal restroom in the kid’s room. Only it wasn’t cat pee they were looking at.

After finding the stains in the kid’s bedroom, the parents decided it was best to put the cat out of its misery and have it put to sleep.

The kid returned from camp to find out that the family cat had been put to sleep due to the large amount of cat pee on the kid’s floor, only it wasn’t cat pee. In fact, the cat rarely went into the kid’s room at all.

He’s lived with that guilt ever since.

Now as outlandish as this story seems, who’s to say it’s not true? Not everything on the internet is a lie.

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