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Governor Prays For Rain Redux By Heathen

Governor Perry called for prayers Friday, Saturday and Sunday to ask for rain in drought stricken and fire riddled Texas.

clckr.com

Here’s some questions I’d like to bring up.

And some answers I will provide-heathen

*If God grants a wish for rain, does he take the rain from somewhere not praying as hard, or is the rain “God-given” for that area?

God is not a genie and he does not grant wishes. Rain comes from non-christian countries to America because we deserve it more.

*Does God make it rain just for Republicans, or for Democrats as well?

Have you ever seen a Democrat in a strip club? Thay have no idea how to make it rain so they need some help too.

*Abilene got flooding rains and large hail, so is God or the Governor responsible for the hail damage?

God, according to the insurance companies, so good luck with that claim there buddy.

*Why didn’t the Governor ask for God to grant our schools funds instead of just cutting their budgets?

Schools? Kids? what do they need rain for? They just make a big ol mess on the floors with it. And that costs more to clean up.

*When you pray for rain, what is the time frame for which those prayers count? Meaning if you pray for it to rain this weekend but it doesn’t rain until Tuesday, do you or God still get credit.

It depends on how good you are at it. Kinda like food. If you it’s real good, it can be a while before you have to re-up, cause you’re all full. If its bad and you don’t eat much you need to do it again better soon. And if you’re Chinese you got about an hour.

*Why did God make tornadoes with the rain, we didn’t ask for those?

So far I have yet to hear anybody actually say “God, please send us some much needed rain. Oh and you can screw those butthole tornadoes, we don’t want any of those.” Get specific with it people.

*If it rains right after my car gets washed, does God owe me a car wash?

No but Quick Quack does.

*Does the devil make it dry?

He has a huge stake in KY Brand lubricants, so, yes.

*If praying to God can make it rain, then why don’t we just ask for it to rain money so we can skip the tedious process of growing stuff?

You ever try dropping money from 5,000 feet? It’s not gonna land where you dropped it. Especially if one of those butthole tornadoes gets a hold of it. Then it all ends up in a different part of the state and that’s called littering. Don’t Mess With Texas Dammit!

*If I get in a car wreck on the wet roads, can I sue God?

Nope. Act Of God. See Above.

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