As unimaginable as it may be, some thieves risked jail time over some toothpicks and I have all of the details for you in the latest edition of my "News of the WTF?". Not only do I expose the idiocy of that crime, I also have a love story without a happy ending involving a couple of 115-year-old giant turtles and I'll school you on the dangers of taking a piss at a certain Arby's Restaurant.