Man Arrested for Having Sexy Sofa Time on the Side of the Road
Clearly this guy misunderstood the phrase "more cushion for the pushin'."
46-year-old Gerard Streator of Waukesha, Wisconsin happened across an old yellow couch that had been abandoned on the curb outside his apartment complex. So he did what any of us would do - he went outside and started having him some sweet sofa sex.
Unfortunately for this furniture fornicator, an off-duty cop was jogging through the neighborhood and saw, "[Gerard] by the couch thrusting his hips as if he was having sex with a person." Phew! That's good. Because if he was thrusting his hips as if he was having sex with an inanimate object, that would have been awkward.
The cop yelled at him and Gerard stopped humping the couch and ran back to his apartment - where his living room couch promptly demanded to know where he'd been and why she (yes, all couches are female, duh) smelled the stench of that skanky settee down the street. Ok, that last part was fabric-ated.
The cop caught up with Gerard and arrested him for lewd and lascivious behavior. He's facing up to nine months in prison.
On the plus side, Gerard was able to poke around the loveseat long enough to find enough change in there to pay his bail.