If you’re a guy who’s afraid of commitment, you’re not alone. Men all over the planet will procrastinate when it comes to popping the question, much to the chagrin of their significant others. Luckily, if you don’t want to marry your girlfriend, there’s a group out there willing to do it – gay men.

College Humor has put together a list of reasons why women would rather marry a gay man instead of you. They’ll go to a Broadway show with her, listen to her for hours, cook her quiche, and even win over the hearts of her parents. The only drawback? Sex. But really, women have a wide selection of toys available on the market, and Internet porn is easily accessible. And when you think about it, your girlfriend could share those toys with her new husband!

***Some language not safe for work.***