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World’s Saddest Hooker Offers Sex for Chicken McNuggets

Chicken McNuggets
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McNuggets have met McLovin’.

Alex Direeno is a 22-year-old woman who has clearly lost her way — police in Bradenton, Fla. arrested her for agreeing to perform a sex act on an undercover cop in exchange for $25 and some chicken McNuggets.

Wait, it gets worse. That’s because she was busted after walking out of a gas station and flagging down the officer. She allegedly got into his car and they haggled over the price, eventually settling on the 25 bucks and McNuggets.

As the Miami Herald notes, “How many Chicken McNuggets was not specified in the report,” which is important because if we’re talking six, then she got the short end of the deal. Everyone knows that when you’re swapping your body for fast food, you gotta get double digits chicken parts. That’s just common sense.

But, wait, it somehow gets even worse yet again. While searching her bag, officers found drug paraphernalia, namely baggies, a spoon and a glass pipe.

But, guess what? We’re not done explaining that it somehow actually gets worse. Direeno is only one month removed from receiving probation after pleading guilty to grand theft auto and possession of drug paraphernalia.

At least she can take some solace in knowing she’s hardly the only woman to try and peddle her flesh for sustenance, lest you forget the one who wanted Taco Bell and the one who tried to get some nachos.

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