Topical Costumes to Avoid This Halloween
Now that grocery stores are stocking Halloween candy on shelves (we can’t believe it either), it’s time to discuss the most important aspect of this amazing holiday — costume selection. We recognize that there’s temptation to jump on the fad costume bandwagon, but take our advice — the most obvious choice isn’t always the best choice. The following are 10 Halloween costumes we’re hoping we don’t see on the streets this year.
In most instances parental neglect is cause for outrage and concern. And while a mom attempting to pass her tanning addiction onto her small child does beautifully walk the line between appalling and hilarious, let’s not forget that Patricia Krentcil at her darkest looked as if somebody chucked a bucket of motor oil at her face. Not a good look, and a pretty moldy pop culture reference.
Hear us out. Katniss is an amazing female warrior, and we’d much rather see girls dressed as her than ‘Twilight’ lame-o Bella. But how many opportunities does one have to go full Effie Trinket? Seize the opportunity — do it for the crazy hair alone.
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Of course it feels obvious to go for the dumb-as-a-post Olympic swimmer who gave perennial golden boy Michael Phelps a run for his money in the pool. But think about how much you want to be shirtless in October with 40 degree medals clanging against your bare skin. Plus the crunches you’d have to do. You can thank us later.
Political jokes aside, we’re not feeling Batman’s latest villain as a Halloween costume. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that Heath Ledger’s turn as the Joker was the stuff of legend, or maybe it’s because we’re pretty sure we’ve seen that mask in the window of a Greenwich Village “adult bookstore.” Furthermore, how would you eat or drink with that thing on? Lame!
We understand the temptation here — the combination of crazy hair, massive post baby belly and Halloween debauchery SEEM like they would be the perfect storm of Halloween hilarity. But if the idea of lugging a baby doll around as you attempt to navigate parties with beer bottles doesn’t steer you away, imagine the massive orange stain from your face that’s going to ruin your bed linens when you pass out before taking off your makeup.
Aly Raisman’s Parents
Don’t misunderstand, we LOVE these overzealous Olympic parents, and during the height of London mania they seemed like the obvious choice for a Halloween costume. But a convincing Boston accent is not for the faint of heart. And if you don’t do it, by the end of the night when people ask what your costume is, you’re going to be telling them “Average Mom” to avoid all the questions..
Snoop Dogg as Snoop Lion
Recently, our “chronically” favorite rapper Snoop Dogg announced a new moniker, “Snoop Lion.” While this seems itching to become the next great fad costume, think about this — how many times have you seen rappers “modify” their alter ego? Do we even know what Sean Combs/Diddy/P. Diddy/ Puff Daddy prefers to be called these days? Remember Beyonce’s time as Sasha Fierce? Don’t buy a mane yet — this ridiculous new identity is sure to be short-lived.
Honey Boo Boo
Many women believe that Halloween is a free pass to tart it up in the name of holiday cheer, and to that end we can understand how reality sideshow Honey Boo Boo would seem like a golden opportunity. Realistically, you’re more likely to elicit “slutty Shirley Temple,” and nobody wants that.
Based on the recent release of the iPhone 5, we’ve learned the new supergadget is taller and thinner than its older incarnates. But since the phone basically looks like the older models, you’ll find yourself having to explain over and over again that you’re the *5* and not the *4s,* and all your prepared jokes about the new map app will be for naught.
‘Game of Thrones’ Khaleesi
Everyone from Meghan McCain to porn star April O’Neil has joked on Twitter that they’re hitting the Halloween party circuit as ‘Game of Thrones’ warrior queen Khaleesi for Halloween.
Granted if you want to check “covered in blood” and “half naked” off of your costume to do list, this is for you. But make sure you don’t half ass this one or you’ll end up looking like Holly Madison in a potato sack. You’ve been warned!
Halloween during an election year is always the perfect time to bust out a political figure costume. This year, there’s no shortage of figures that are ripe for parody at parties. But before you grab a blonde wig and a giant American flag pin, ask yourself this, “do I really want to spend my night at a raging costume party teetotaling and lecturing people on their own worthiness?” If the answer is yes, Ann Romney will do nicely. For men, try a Paul Ryan outfit. Don’t forget the mini Mitt Romney hand puppet!