stupid criminals

In a wicked world of dishonest boozehounds and ripple junkies, one should never be too surprised by the size of the cojones on these shifty characters; that is, unless the bulge in their pants carries a striking resemblance to a couple cans of beer. At that point, you can rest assure that you are being ripped off.

Things got awkward when 54-year-old Kimberly Margeson visited her 30-year-old son William Partridge at the Yates County jail in upstate New York.

Across the bayou, it is not difficult to find a crossbreed of stark-raving mad drunkards and dive bar sideshows aggressively humping the legs off civil society. Unfortunately, when there is nothing civilized left for these gutter fiends to devour besides the skin in between their teeth, the only hope for the rest of us is that soon the flood waters will rise again and bury these beasts at sea. Rea

As any guy knows, the need for, um, release can sometimes be powerful and all-consuming. But there are probably better times to choke the chicken than in the aftermath of a bank robbery. Just sayin'.

You know what they say: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. You know what they don't say, ever? When in Hollywood, smoke enough voodoo dope to make your clothes fall off and then stomp the car of an innocent bystander with while they wait for the traffic light to turn green.

Doctors are some of the creepiest dudes around. We know they do all this good crap for people, but think about it-- does the good ol' doc really need to be touching our junk for that long during a prostate exam? Is he genuinely worried about that slight pain we've been feeling in our butt? Unfortunately, there are very few times a doctor's weird antics are questioned. That is, until now.

On Wednesday (Oct. 31), 37-year-old Herbert Ridge of Mesa, Arizona was using a homemade electric-powered gas siphoning machine to steal gas from someone's truck when things went awry. Herbert was siphoning gas from a truck in a stranger's driveway when his machine sparked and he accidentally set himself on fire...

You know times are tough when we have burrito banditos running rampant around town. 26-year-old Brandon Shane Eustice of Wichita Falls was in jail Tuesday after assaulting his father and stealing his $2.07 burrito in the alley behind Sevi's Burritos on 9th Street...

Clearly this guy misunderstood the phrase "more cushion for the pushin'."

The Sunshine State's stupid criminal cup runneth over. The newest addition to the Bat-sh*t Crazy Girlfriend Hall of Fame is 23-year old Jadian Hatfield of Pensacola, Florida. Hatfield's ex-boyfriend is 25-year-old Brandon Fleming of Baker, Florida, and the two of them have a two-year-old song together...

It stands to reason that a man named Jackmeoff Mudd would be up to no good. You saddle a guy with that kind of name and you almost guarantee that at some point, he’s going to get himself into some trouble. That’s exactly what happened in Ft. Lauderdale, FL recently.