Regardless of what the Pope might think, masturbation is totally normal. That is, it’s totally normal as a private endeavor in a controlled environment.

By contrast, masturbation in public places like a bus, the beach or in a car going 90 MPH is far from normal.

Yes, despite these facts of life, people tend to ignore them.

Below are the 10 craziest places people have been caught publicly masturbating.

  • A Police Station

  • A Public Bus

    Public transportation is always a hot bed for crazies, but Jared Weston Walker might take the cake. The 26-year-old has been accused of masturbating—and successfully ejaculating—on the heads of women bus passengers.

    Three different women have now indicated Walter for the messy crime.

  • St. Patrick’s Day Parade

    St. Patrick’s Day is better known for all its participants getting tanked off booze. But apparently Steven Young never got that memo.

    The 39-year-old was caught masturbating by a security guard at the event. Young also admitted to not only being drunk, but also high on meth.

  • At the Beach

    Everyone enjoys catching rays or some waves at the beach, but apparently, others enjoy other endevours.

    Elijah Slocumb, who is aptly named, was caught pleasing himself on Smathers Beach in Florida. According to sources, the 35-year-old’s “whole body was shaking” as he exposed himself to the public beach-goers.



  • In a Cop Car

    Okay, it would be more ballsy if a suspect flogged the dolphin after getting cuffed, but this is still a noteworthy location. Former Santa Fe officer Mike Eiskant was caught on tape (dashboard camera) handling his own baton in his police cruiser.

    The incident was of no surprise to another former officer, Shannon Brady, he claimed she tried to bring a harassment complaint against Eiskant in the past.



  • In a Complete Stranger’s House

    It might be difficult to beat Gregory Matthew Bruni’s masturbation story. Bruni, who was hanging out—naked—on Tony and LaDonna Land’s roof, decided to invite himself into the couple’s house and wreck havoc.

    Bruni not only masturbated inside the house, but also then defecated in various spots around the couple’s abode too.

    The couple called 911 and even fired a few bullets at the crazed bodily fluid releaser, but Bruni managed to avoid getting shot. Police eventually took the deranged former carnival worker into custody.

  • In a Car -- Going 90 MPH

    Some people like to live life in the fast lane but for William Blakely, the former Mount Carmel, Tennessee Vice Mayor, perhaps he should have thrown his vehicle in park.

    Blakely was accused of fondling himself as he sped down the interstate. The speedster was also arrested earlier in the year for a similar incident. Life in the fast lane indeed.



  • In a Library

    Perhaps Tyree Carter should have spent more time reading in the library and less time doing less studious activities.

    Carter was caught “openly” masturbating in Racine Public Library in Racine, Wisconsin.

    According to the court records, “[Carter must] stay out of all the libraries on the face of the earth.”



  • In a Firehouse

    [Insert pun about hoses]. Nicholas Gonzales was feeling a little frisky one night in Kentucky, so the 27-year-old decided to break into a firehouse and masturbate all over the firefighter’s gear.

    Gonzales, who happens to also be a gay porn star, would have gotten away with the act if he had not been caught by firefighter Michael Davenport. Shortly there after, Gonzales was arrested by the police for burglary, public intoxication and criminal mischief.

  • Outside a Convenience Store

    If you’re going to masturbate in public, you at least have to fess up to it once you inevitably get caught.

    Unfortunately, Scott E. Smith wasn’t man enough to do so. Instead, Smith told cops that his “penis was only out because [my] pants shrunk.” Pretty lame, Scott.

    Smith would later admit to his obvious crime and has since been charged with three counts of indecent exposure.