Let’s Choke Iran to Death For Pennies Per Day

There is this place called The Straits Of Hormuz. Say it out loud for me, “the straits of whore-mooze.” It isn’t a portion of your body that you apply talcum powder to, it’s a vital shipping lane. Something like 10-20% of the worlds oil supply goes through that little “elbow” in the waterway. Iran, pissed off that we treat them like they have tiny wieners, says they are “in control” of the area.

You see Iran is under the strongest sanctions ever because we believe they are trying to develop a nuclear bomb. Iran, which has enough oil to deep fry the country claims they want nuclear for energy  programs (yeah, and I look at Katy Perry ’cause I like her voice).  So Iran says that it is “in control” of the area and that U.S. warships, that have conducted “exercises” in the area for decades “better not come back in.” Ohh poopsie, we’re being threatened by the naval superpower that is Iran!

My solution is simple. Let’s let ‘em “close” the area. It would be like they’re tightening a noose around their own necks. Better yet, how about the Saudi Air Force take care of this one. The Saudi’s have the money and plenty of reasons to keep the area open on their own. Let’s just pay $5 a gallon for a while and let these bastards starve themselves to death. The other option is, of course, the biggest game of “battleship” ever, and it’s still gonna cost you because there just isn’t a “two-fer Tuesday” special on torpedoes.

It’s time the U.S. looks to its own history when dealing with others. The U.S. won independence from Britain because of the enormous costs associated with fighting a war on foreign lands (sound familiar?).  With these lessons learned, there are two options when dealing with rogue countries, 1. Let ‘em isolate themselves to the point where they have to deal with the worlds demands, or 2. Bomb and go. As far as #2 goes, why should we every even have a “war”? If we really don’t want a country to have certain technology or military capabilities, bomb the crap out of them and then come home. When they rebuild it, bomb it again. If they build it over and over again, bomb everyplace we think they’re putting stuff. Yes, it’s callous and indiscriminate, but the “bomb, then move in” method of military intervention is just a recipe for even bigger problems.

I don’t want to bore you with this much more, just look at the map again. To the left of the map are the RICHEST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD (Saudi Arabia, Oman, The United Arab Emirates). To the right is Iran and noted sh@thole Pakistan. What the hell are we, the U.S., doing in the middle? If Iran tries to “close” the area, we aren’t the ones who are immediately in trouble, it’s those rich countries…let them deal with it (or at least they could give us some kind of “war rebate” for handling their stuff for them.