Name: The Joker on Crack

Occupation: Aspiring ‘Perfect 10′ model

Interests: Making others cringe, pink bikinis, modeling for the blind, sitting atop stools on the side of roads looking for ‘friends’ and Lady Gaga.

Hobbies: Running, tucking myself into ill-fitting underwear, holding people captive and asking them to apply lotion and eating humans.

What I’m Doing With My Life: Maintaining my sexiness, luring in inebriated sex-addicts and living above the confines of the law. I’m pretty hot. I apply make-up without looking in a mirror. I’m that good.

5 Things I Can’t Live Without: my stool, happy pills, ogling men, SPF 40 and a metal pipe.

The First Thing People Notice About Me Is: My totes hot purse from WalMart ($16.99 plus tax). It’s usually the only thing they notice.

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. BTW! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email.