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Girl Scout Cookies

It’s time for the national guilt-fest known as “Girl Scout Cookie” time! Legions upon legions of waist high emotional terrorists will be begging you to put a couple of boxes of potential diabetes into your mouthhole. It used to be enough that they’d visit your house in the still of the night, they then invaded work places via moms and friendly uncles, and now they’re in stores, that among other things, SELL MORE COOKIES. This is like Ninjas showing up at Mafia Headquarters asking if they need anybody killed. More after the jump.

And just who are these Girl Scouts anyways? And what is their plan? It used to be you’d see Girl Scouts and their “footsoldiers in training” known as “Brownies” all over the place. Now you only see them when it’s cookie time and most are in plainclothes! It’s a mass army of “Under Cover Cookie Lovers” and they are virtually undetectable from the regular populace. As to their mission, God only knows. With the amount of cookies they sell they should be able to overthrow Google and make Donald Trump their bitch-ass doorman. I’m serious, do you know that some of these girls sell ten thousand boxes or more? I’m serious, the girl that sold a hundred before, is now THE LOSER.

I’m sure I’ll get complaints about this, but trust me I’m being kind when I call these pushy little snots “emotional terrorists”. How about instead we think of it this way; who else sells you something that gives you an instant rush of pleasure and makes you want more and more? That’s right-DRUG DEALERS! Unlike drug dealers though, they don’t specialize. That’s right, the Girl Scouts have now turned up the heat with eleven different boxes of cookie crack, featuring their latest, “Shout Outs”. These little girls don’t take no for an answer, because if you don’t like one, there’s ten more to choose from!

After all of this, I must admit I am weak. I always get two boxes of Thin Mints, two boxes of Samoas, and one of the lemon ones.

Here’s the Girl Scouts Cookie Finder link.

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